I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Damn victory sex feels great
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
