i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize