It's Friday. Sex?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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