got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
