Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
