i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
