I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
