paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
