apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
