My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
