If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize