Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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