Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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