I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
