im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
