Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize