I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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