I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
