Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
