Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
