her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
