so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
