i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
