I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
