you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
