The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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