I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
