His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
