i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize