ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
