i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
