If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
