You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
