Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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