Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
