I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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