shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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