This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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