Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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