I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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