hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
