time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
