Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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