We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
