i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
