hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
