yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
