every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is my gift to your gina
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
