I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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