I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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