I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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