The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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