Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
