In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
