I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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