toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
