I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize