u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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