she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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