he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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