I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
