I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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