I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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