At least make sure they are 18
Why
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize