Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
should my penis look like a turkey
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
