At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
