I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize