My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize