he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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