I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he fucked my hip out of place.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
