Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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