She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
