Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
