WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
