Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
