Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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