That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize