Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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