I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
