In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize