apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
