i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
