he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
