I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you made out with another girl for some wings
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
