I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
