Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
