where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I believe in your delicious
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
