Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
