Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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