Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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