Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize