Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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