Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
