Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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