tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You smell like stripper and shame
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
