I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
