I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
