I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
