I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
