So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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