there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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