I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
