My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
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