Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize