Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
