what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
