Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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