You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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