Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
