This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize