Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
