stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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